You have been waiting for the appointment for weeks, and you arrive prepared to talk about the changes you’ve noticed in your aging parent. You know that advocating for an aging parent means explaining your concerns, so you describe what you’ve been seeing and hope the visit will give you some answers. Then, suddenly, the appointment is finished.
As you leave the office, you may realize that several questions were never answered. Perhaps you aren’t sure why the doctor isn’t more concerned, or maybe you feel like the changes you’ve been seeing at home weren’t fully understood. When you’re trying to protect the health of someone you love, walking away from an appointment without feeling heard can be discouraging.
If this happens, don’t assume there is nothing more you can do. A few strategies can help you communicate your concerns more clearly and make sure important information doesn’t get lost during a short medical visit.
Explain how your parent’s life has changed.
When you’re concerned about your parent’s health, you may begin by listing the symptoms you’ve noticed.
“Mom is more tired than usual.”
“Dad seems to be forgetting things.”
While these observations are useful, doctors may gain a better understanding when you explain what those changes actually look like in daily life. For instance, perhaps Dad no longer reads the newspaper because he has difficulty concentrating. Maybe Mom has started missing meals because she forgets to prepare food or doesn’t realize she is hungry.
Think about what your parent could easily do a few months ago that has now become difficult. Consider when you first noticed the difference and whether it has continued or gotten worse.
Specific examples can help your doctor recognize a pattern that might not be apparent during a brief appointment.
Use questions to better understand your doctor’s reasoning.
Sometimes a healthcare provider may be listening carefully but simply hasn’t explained their thought process in enough detail. If you leave without understanding why a particular conclusion was reached, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification.
Questions such as these can help:
- Why don’t you believe this is something more serious?
- What other conditions could cause these symptoms?
- What should I watch for at home?
- What should we do if my parent’s symptoms continue?
Rather than creating an argument, these questions can open the door to a more informative discussion. They allow the doctor to explain what they are considering, what they are ruling out, and what you should expect moving forward.
Remember that what you observe at home is important.
Your parent may spend only a limited amount of time with the doctor, while you may see what happens throughout the rest of the week.
You may notice that your parent repeats the same question several times. You may find stacks of unopened mail that would normally have been handled promptly. Perhaps getting dressed, preparing a meal, or completing another familiar activity suddenly takes much longer.
These details might not seem significant when viewed individually. Together, they can tell an important story about changes in your parent’s abilities or behavior.
Don’t discount what you see simply because it doesn’t happen during the office visit. Sharing these everyday observations can give the healthcare provider a more complete picture of your parent’s condition.
It’s okay to tell your doctor that you’re still worried.
You may hold back because you don’t want to appear argumentative, overly anxious, or disrespectful. However, respectfully expressing continued concern is an important part of advocating for your parent.
You might say:
“I understand what you’re telling me, but I’m still concerned because this isn’t normal for my parent.”
This simple statement recognizes the doctor’s explanation while making it clear that something still doesn’t feel right to you. It can also encourage the conversation to continue rather than ending before you feel comfortable with the plan.
Take action if your concerns don’t go away.
Some medical issues cannot be fully understood during one appointment. Your doctor may recommend keeping track of symptoms before deciding what to do next. In other situations, further testing or a follow-up visit may be necessary.
If your parent’s health changes after the appointment, don’t automatically assume you need to wait for the next scheduled visit. Call the doctor’s office and explain what has happened. Ask whether your parent needs to be evaluated sooner or whether there are specific symptoms you should monitor.
And if you repeatedly feel that your observations and questions aren’t being taken seriously, consider getting another opinion. It is reasonable to look for a healthcare provider who communicates clearly, listens to your concerns, and gives you enough information to feel confident about your parent’s care.
Your Voice Is Important
You don’t need medical training to recognize when your parent isn’t acting like themselves. You know their usual routines, personality, habits, and abilities. That familiarity gives you a perspective that can be extremely valuable to the healthcare team.
Speak up when you notice meaningful changes. Give concrete examples instead of relying only on general descriptions. Ask for an explanation when you don’t understand something, and don’t be afraid to respectfully express your concerns when an answer doesn’t fully address what you’re seeing.
Being an advocate doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means making sure the information you have is part of the conversation.
Get Support at Home
Your parent’s health is affected by much more than what happens during a doctor’s appointment. Everyday routines and changes in functioning happen at home, often between medical visits, and keeping up with those changes can become challenging for family caregivers.
JFS Care provides experienced in-home care throughout Brentwood, Beverly Hills, Santa Monica, and the Los Angeles area. Our caregivers can provide additional support at home while offering another attentive perspective on your parent’s daily needs and well-being. If you would benefit from extra help and another set of caring eyes, contact us at 213-383-2273 for a free in-home consultation to learn more about our home care services.